the rambling is back with a whole lot more than before, i think

lml
good, you found us.
Here goes:
I overthink. I expect people to react different, sometimes to be angrier than they probably are - of course it doesnt help that most of my interaction is online - or I expect them to not get mad, or maybe it's that I can't communicate right. Wouldn't it be great to have some telepathy that would let you share thoughts/feelings, like, to show someone your intents. It would make getting along with people so much easier. But we dont have that, there's got to be a reason God didn't give it to us all, and I can;t come close to guessing.
What else was there? Uh, also that I don't always get why they're upset, but again that's my schitziod or whatever-ness.
I'm also OCD, a computer told me, and I'm believing it for a while now. I could never leave something incomplete, I'm beyond obsessed with symmetry, all until less than a few years ago, probly 8th grade, maybe cuz I sarted to take the bus. I fear seeing what I'd come out like if I didn't start socializing with peolpe.
But im also smart enough to be able to hide it, so I never went to see a shrink or anything like that.
Its not that I'm getting dumber, maybe, it's that everyone else is getting smarter. I was used to being ahead for so many years that I'm all settled into that mindset, now everyone else has gotten to that point and past, and idk what I'm doing.
I also think I do way too much for effect, sort of choreograph everything, so it's now to the point I don't know what my natural reaction would be.
Whoa, I acrually wrote a good bit there
And not nearly done lol.

And the bleeding drama. I guess I gotta get used to it, were teens now, and all the steriotypes say that if there's not drama, something's wrong. Like, I just saw this Law And Order where a group of teenage girls tie up another girl to teach her a lesson, adn the ringleader goes and stabs her to death wih scissors, and the rest of them just watch, then go get breakfast. Ok, that was off topic.
[edit]
But that's where we are tonight. Wednesday, August 17. 1:49 a.m.
signing off
\V/
Live Long and Prosper


"Give a n00b guitarist a chord progression and he thinks he's a rock god"
- me, this morning.

i gotta write. so much going on. talked to michelle about matt's/lara's party, she's really helpful.

but more stuff.


Here goes:
I overthink. I expect people to react different, sometimes to be angrier than they probably are - of course it doesnt help that most of my interaction is online - or I expect them to not get mad, or maybe it's that I can't communicate right. Wouldn't it be great to have some telepathy that would let you share thoughts/feelings, like, to show someone your intents. It would make getting along with people so much easier. But we dont have that, there's got to be a reason God didn't give it to us all, and I can;t come close to guessing.
What else was there? Uh, also that I don't always get why they're upset, but again that's my schitziod or whatever-ness.
I'm also OCD, a computer told me, and I'm believing it for a while now. I could never leave something incomplete, I'm beyond obsessed with symmetry, all until less than a few years ago, probly 8th grade, maybe cuz I sarted to take the bus. I fear seeing what I'd come out like if I didn't start socializing with peolpe.
But im also smart enough to be able to hide it, so I never went to see a shrink or anything like that.
Its not that I'm getting dumber, maybe, it's that everyone else is getting smarter. I was used to being ahead for so many years that I'm all settled into that mindset, now everyone else has gotten to that point and past, and idk what I'm doing.
I also think I do way too much for effect, sort of choreograph everything, so it's now to the point I don't know what my natural reaction would be.
Whoa, I acrually wrote a good bit there
And not nearly done lol.

And the bleeding drama. I guess I gotta get used to it, were teens now, and all the steriotypes say that if there's not drama, something's wrong. Like, I just saw this Law And Order where a group of teenage girls tie up another girl to teach her a lesson, adn the ringleader goes and stabs her to death wih scissors, and the rest of them just watch, then go get breakfast. Ok, that was off topic.

Nancy and Chris have been together for more than 13 months now, and they've been going pretty strong, espc since his parents let him see her freely. but now she's starting to lose the high. and she said she's now attracted to another guy, and cheated withhim at least once between last thursday and this monday. I don't know whats happened since yesterday- was it just that short ago? Damn, alot happened. But she said he already dropped his girlfriend and is attracted to her too. (I'm already thinking of what to say to help, like its my business anyway) But she's been going with Chris for this long, has anything like this come close? I know with me the crushes go and come and fly just as I'm about to make a move, she only knew him for what is it, 2 weeks now? 3 maybe. And only really started 'liking' him since last week, she said. And this is all suddenly big. I'd think she needs to give it time to settle, and see if al lthe same feelings are there. And if they are, then I can't do a whole lot. And also, she's been with Chris for more than a year, take a step back and look at them and see how its all been, are the feelings between them still the same? She said when the school year starts she's gonna break off with Chris and tell him that with the work and all it's too much. I'd hate to see it die like that. Honestly, I think I still have feelings for her, but I also see her like a sister, and I'm protective of her. And also, if she's going single, what about her and Dom? She said he said he's ready to hook up with her, but whats really going to happen? To sum that up, is she sure that she has the same feelings for Dom that she needs to start a real relationship, like she has/had for Chris, or is it just like, the first crush outside of her and Chris in months, and she's forgotten just what it's like?

Also, there's Des. During spin-the-milk-carton, [something that made me wonder, Nancy was *really* into all the games, even though she still has a boyfriend; was it *beacuse* she's planning to break off? Or is it that she really *isn't* feeling the same, and is looser?] Josh refused to kiss anyone unless they made out. Naturally, people weren't too happy with him. But Des sort of still likes him, but she doesnt, but she does... but they ended up making out, and she's now sure he was just using her, which in all honestly he may well have been. She was pretty broken up over that at, and she wanted to talk to someone, and even though she was spending the night at Jaime's, Jay was alseep,and Maggie was somewhere else. So I talked with her for a while, till she felt a bit better, then Mags came around and they went swimming. But Jay's really mad at Des, for- it sounds like- talking with me instead of with her. And Jay's also upset with Maggie for hanging out with the group of us, cuz she doesn't want her sister hanging around. So Jay had a rough day, so did Des and Maggie, who sounds like she's doing really bad; they all got together and talked, via Tracy, to try to settle stuff. From Des, it sounds like her and Jay aren't doing too well, and Maggie said she's feeling sick.
More about Maggie. Matt had a crush on her for ages, and he finally asked her out. She turned him down, and he took it pretty well, tho. He thinks it was partly because she likes Ryan, who apparently also likes her and might ask her out. Acc'd'g to Matt, she'll go with him if he asks. He's stuck between this- he wants her to be happy, and Ryan's his friend too, and he wants the same for him, but he's also pretty sure- and I think I agree- that Maggie's likely to get used and dumped off, and neither of us want that to happen. Matt said he's going to sit back and watch the rocks all fall, which is fine for him, he's moving to Beacon Falls Friday. I don't want to see it happen, but I'm not supposed to even know that.
And finally more on me and Matt. We both got invited to Lara's to hang out; the same day that "they"- Jay, Des, Nancy, Josh, Mel, etc.- want to hang out cuz it's Matt's last day in West Haven. He told her that he wants to hang out with "us", which she took to mean that I was going with what he said, too. Which wasn't exactly true, I hadn't decided by then. Unfortunately, this started a whole bloody chain of dominoes, and she was pretty mad at the both of us. I've decided to go with her, but I think she's still thinking that I'm either feeling obliged to go, or that I have to because Matt already blew them off. To be honest again, I can't say that it's not true.

But that's where we are tonight. Wednesday, August 17. 1:49 a.m.
signing off
\V/
Live Long and Prosper


"Give a n00b guitarist a chord progression and he thinks he's a rock god"
- me, this morning.

::{updating this; first off, turns out nancy was sort of 'matched up' with chris, and learned to like him in their relationship; whereas dom she likes already;; dont know where des is re: josh;;jay is no longer openly hostile to maggie, but doesnt want her hanging out with us;; and by now im hearing rumors that ryan is finished with maggie and wants back with rachel. he better be able to explain this. def earned the cold shoulder. unless maggie can prove she wants this. saw that in a myspace "confessions" she didnt mark that she was in love with/ liked someone... simple mistake or truth?;; and it actually wasnt matt;s last day, but i went to lara's and he went with them all, and ryan asked maggie out there, and she accepted, and ryan went on to rub it in matts face and attempted to fuck up his 'last' day here. btw, he's in beacon falls byn ow. but lara's was pretty fun, nothing special, just randomly hanging out. and theres stuff thats healed over and theres been new wounds, but life goes on. }::